Some people think that government position is power, while others think that money is power. Though that might be true on the surface, true power is your power to control your emotions and therefore your power to ignore those things which you probably should ignore.
Yet, is is impossible, or at least, very hard to ignore people who verbally assault you, put you down or to ignore people who disrespect you.
You have a power that will be and probably is extremely helpful to you. Everyone has this power in their life. Problem is most people do not know they have it. Most people do not know that it works wonders when used correctly. So, what can you do and what will you do with your power today?
How does this power affect your life? Are you sure you have it? Can anyone use it? Does it have side effects?
The power of ignore is an extremely powerful and useful tool, so use it sparingly and use it carefully. Only do what you can safely do. The author is not a legal professional but writes for entertainment, information and to share ideas and suggestions. You, the reader are responsible for making your own decisions and choosing only what suggestions or ideas are safe and helpful in your life. Do not do anything that you know or feel will put you in danger. Do not do anything that you know or feel will harm you or those around you. Be confident, be alert and be smart when using your power of ignore.
The power of ignore is a very valuable asset to anyone’s life. It is there, it is ever-present and ever-available and ready to use at a moment’s notice. So why do so many people not notice it and not use it? What can this power do for you this day, this week and this year? Most times, we do not need to use it. Most times everything goes fine in our lives and no one is bothering us and so we put our power aside on a back burner and then we forget we have this power. What a mistake. This power can work wonders in your life if you need to use it.
USE IGNORE HERE:
- You are online and you have just entered a chat room, message board or some other online community area. You are there minding your own business when all of a sudden someone approaches you in type or in sound and begins questioning you. You think they are normal so you participate in the conversation. Everything is going well. Then all of a sudden, you realize that there is something wrong. You see that this person, the new person that you just met, is there only to badger you, put you down, or cause trouble to you. Perhaps they want to be a stalker to you, perhaps they are saying they know you or that they know where you live. Perhaps they are beginning to call you names and belittle you in front of other people. You begin to feel very uncomfortable. And you want out, but you were there for a specific purpose. You went to the chat room or message board to converse with your friends. You do not want to leave just because someone is trying to make you uncomfortable. So what do you do? How do you handle this dilemma? What are your options? What is available to you? This is a time and place when you can use your power of ignore effectively to change things around. You can change the negative situation into a neutral situation or even into a positive circumstance.
- You are outside and someone begins bothering you. It is broad daylight and everyone is walking around. There are many witnesses. Someone begins saying nasty things about you and saying things that are not true. Someone is trying to ruin your reputation. What do you do? How do you react? These are strangers that are bothering you, one or more strangers. Will the power of ignore be effective here?
- You are in school or in work and the people or person that begins to bother you are familiar to you. They are not strangers. You have seen them here hundreds of times and still they are verbally attacking you or calling you names or trying to damage your reputation. What are your options? What is available to you? How do you get out of this situation?
There are hundreds of other situations like these listed above and there are hundreds of different ways that you can approach these situations. Everyone handles problems in their own way due to their life experiences, age and personality. How would you handle all or any of those situations? The key to handling the situation effectively is to know why each one of these situations are happening. Then you make it your business not to feed into the situation unknowingly. You take control of it by what you do or do not do. The power of each situation is in your hands,mind, body and soul. Use your knowledge and mind to handle each and every circumstance that happens similar to those listed above.
First, we will tell you why some of those things happen. Then knowing why they happen, you are armed and you will be able to make the correct decisions as to what to do the next time these things happen to you or to your own family.
It is been proven over and over and over, that most times when humans annoy, bully, or attack other human beings, they do it for any or all of these reasons: attention, money, consumer goods, power, control, insecurity, ignorance, prejudice, hate, anger, mental illness, revenge, and other emotional reasons. However, most of the time, when the person is verbally or emotionally attacking the victim, most times, they are doing it for the attention. Yes, attention is one of the most sought after things that some humans want. Yes, those other reasons are partially responsible for some of the attacks, but most times, you will see and discover that the offending attackers just want the attention that you might be getting. They want the spotlight. They want their backs to be patted. They want people to stop, pause and notice them. They want to be praised; they want someone to talk with and they want someone to have a relationship with. Most normal, reasonable people will not verbally attack someone, especially in public and especially in a group atmosphere. Why? Because most normal people receive and have all the attention they need, they go about minding their own business and they go about their daily lives being respectful of those that cross their paths.
VERBAL ABUSE (YELLING, SCREAMING & NAME-CALLING): So, now I will discuss how to handle the attention-seeker who is verbally attacking you, emotionally attacking you to get attention. Here is the power you have inside of you and here is the power that might solve your problem. You have the power of ignore; that is correct, the power of ignore. When you use this power correctly, it will solve your problems and you will become a much happier person because you will not have to deal with horrible people who have nothing better to do than verbally attack other human beings. Here are step by step instructions how to use this power properly:
- Ignore the offender. Ignore every single word that the offender states to you or about you in any chat room, message board, or public or private forum that you are taking part in. Ignore everything. Do not waste your time stating that you are ignoring someone. When you do that you are not using your power confidently and effectively . You cannot ignore someone if you are talking to them, even if you are simply stating to them that you are ignoring them. Use your power wisely and well.
- Do not feel the need to defend yourself against the person who is verbally attacking you. You do not have to defend yourself. You do not have to correct the false statements that the person is making about you in public. You do not have to worry about your own reputation. You do not have to do any of these things. All you have to do is ignore them. Once you begin the 100 percent ignore program, things begin to fall into place.
- Remember to never give any attention, even negative attention to the bully or abuser. Once you have discovered that a person is verbally trying to harm you, embarrass you, belittle you or start rumors about you or ruin your reputation, never give that bully one ounce of attention, and especially do not give the bully any negative attention either.
- Refuse to acknowledge any statements that the bully makes. You can read the statements (we do not advise that), but never, ever respond to the statements ever. If it is a matter of importance and you feel you have the right to make a response, then respond to others in the group, respond to your friends and co-workers and others who know you but totally ignore the bully and the bully’s words, and actions.
- While doing this ignore, completely record, or copy what the person is saying to you when he is calling you names, belittling you, or verbally abusing you.
THIS POWER IS EFFECTIVE:Those are ways that you use the power of ignore properly and effectively. Once the bully notices that he is getting nowhere with you, he might step it up a bit and try and get others in the group to be on his side, or to see his way or to continue to try and ruin your reputation. Have no fear. Be confident in your abilities and in your own reputation. Do not care what he says in those forums. Be confident and you will be successful in avoiding the bully and having to deal with the bully. Use the power of ignore over and over and over and over, even if you have to use it a thousand times, use it. That is the effective way to handle bullies, abusers and stalkers.
RECORD, JOURNAL & KEEP TRACK: The reason that you are recording or journaling what is happening is because this way you have proper records in case you ever want to go to court or in case you ever need to testify against the bully. With proper records and notes, you are one step ahead. If you are in a chat room, or message board where people type and the bully has accosted you in type, cut and paste the offense into a file that you save. Save it off of your computer. Save it to a flash drive or save it to an email account that no one knows that you have. This way your entries are secure. If the bully is accosting you or slandering you verbally out loud over a microphone. You can record what is happening and keep it for the future. You can add your voice to the mix (Not giving the bully attention, but saying things like, today is Tuesday, the 12th of October (That is just an example). You can say things like talking to your friends on the microphone, and completely ignoring the offender. (This way, what you are doing is not eavesdropping but rather you are recording yourself since you are in the conversation. Eavesdropping is the secret taping of conversations that you are not involved in. Once you put your voice in the mix, you are not eavesdropping but recording what you are saying. And if the bully happens to be slandering you or bullying you at the time over the microphone, well,that is his problem. I suggest that you do not stay in the message forum or chat room if someone is bullying you over the microphone. The best way to handle that is to ignore the bully, and leave your name in the chat room or message board and go do the dishes or do something in another room. Put the microphone on mute or very low volume so that you cannot hear it. By doing this, you are emotionally unaffected by what the bully says but at the same time, your name in the room shows the bully that he cannot take control of your life and he cannot control you by his verbal abuse. Stand your ground and do what is right in your life.
THE LIGHT BULB FINALLY GOES OFF: Now, once the bully realizes (and because most bullies have such broad egos it takes a long time for them to realize that you are ignoring them), he might step up the bullying because he will think that you made a fool of him and he will take that quite personally. Do not be tempted to answer any of the step-up verbal assaults on your character. I know that might be terribly tempting to want to answer and or to want to defend yourself and your position but remember this –your mission is to stand your ground, not run off at the site of a bully or verbal abuser, and to continue to keep ignoring the bully. When you see the bully harming friends or co-workers, that is the time to step up and stand united against the bully. Do not allow the person to be a bully just because others are afraid of his bullying. (You might notice that some people back the bully up just because they know him or they are his friends. Some people back up bullies and verbal abusers just because they receive a a payoff or reward for being friends with the bully. Ordinarily good people and even some educated people can get sucked into believing a bully’s words just because they are afraid that their fringe benefits or perks will be jeopardized if they call the bully on his actions or words. So they remain basically cowards, standing behind the bully so they can continue to get their fringe benefits. Have you ever seen movies or television shows where a huge punk is picking on one of the good kids? We have all seen it. We have even seen workplace examples of it. What usually happens is that the bully stands there doing what is wrong. And even though the people behind him and even though witnesses are there, they continue to permit the bully to use his false sense of power and they just let him do what he wants. These followers are usually afraid of revenge from the bully. In this day and age, revenge might be a simple thing like the bully won’t help them or do them favors anymore. There was one case were a bully offered all his friends discounted or free tickets to the movies. So this bully kept on being a bully, kept on verbally assaulting anyone that he didn’t like or anyone that he was jealous of and his so-called friends praised him and gave him that false sense of unity, just to save and keep their fringe benefits. Others that let the bully continue to bully people, without standing up and doing what is right, were concerned that the bully would not help them in the future. But most often, the reason that people back up bullies is because they know and realize that if they are on the bully’s wrong side and if they do not back up the bully, then the bully will come after them and they will be the new victim. Those are the reasons why sometimes, good people turn into cowards and they back up verbal abusers and bullies. You will be different. You will not worry about what you have to lose and you will continue to ignore the bully and continue to record or copy any and all offensive material in case you need that for future court dates. You are prepared.
Even when the time comes to not ignore the bully, you still ignore the bully. You still use your power of ignore. That sentence sounds contradictory, doesn’t it? I will explain. You always ignore anyone who is verbally abusing you, bullying you, putting you down, belittling you or trying to ruin your reputation or divide you from your friends or co-workers. When the bully steps it up to the point of where he is making threats to you or at you, then you cannot ignore these threats. You must do something about the threats. However, you STILL ignore the bully. Ignore his words. Do not give the bully attention at all. Do not argue his threats. Do not verbally defend yourself. Do not respond to anything the bully says to you or about you. Keep on ignoring this bully. That is what works even if it takes a long while to work. The power of ignore works.
WHEN NOT TO IGNORE:
ONE-SIDED CONVERSATION: The bully cannot have a conversation with himself for long. And basically, if he is talking with you and you are properly ignoring him, then he winds up talking to himself and about himself. There once was a man once who had someone yelling and screaming at him in the street. The man took a different approach and used the power of ignore. He stayed at a safe distance from the verbal abuser. He knew what this picture looked like. Everyone around was looking at the baby who was making the scene (In this case the baby was a grown person). When they looked around, they saw someone who looked crazy, screaming and yelling at someone. But since the someone that he was yelling at didn’t even turn around, and didn’t respond to him, the man looked like a crazy person yelling at someone who was invisible. Isn’t that funny? Here is this guy yelling at the top of his lungs, and no one knows which person this person is screaming at (because the person that he was screaming at did not acknowledge his presence. After the guy screamed for a bit, the person turned for one moment as if he did not know the offender and simply looked at the offender in the same way that everyone else was looking at him. This guy truly appeared crazy. Wouldn’t anyone appear crazy when they are screaming at invisible people out in public.
ALWAYS STAY SAFE: The key to using this public ignore technique is that you do not respond at all, and also that you, as soon as possible, get to a safe place so that you can call the police if the bully steps up his game. As you are ignoring the bully, you can walk away the same way most other people will be walking away from this screaming bully. And still, it will look as if he is screaming at no one. If you are really annoyed by the bully’s screaming tactics, you can even turn to a friend or person near and say, what is that guy yelling about? . Note the fact that you are ignoring him and he is yelling at the top of his lungs might annoy the bully more, so be prepared with a cellular phone, and be ready to dial 911 if necessary. If the guy yells long enough, there might even be bystanders who dial 911. Most times it does not escalate to that point. Most times, if the bully has any reasonable sense left in him, he will stop yelling when he realizes how crazy he looks yelling at someone who is not yelling back at him.
WAYS TO REPORT BULLIES AND STALKERS: There are many websites that you can report these bullies on. Begin here:
- If the bully is using a screen name from yahoo, msn, or excite or other internet service provider, write directly to the provider and provide all evidence of what has happened. You can write to them, or email or call them to report bullying or abuse online. (It is hard, almost impossible to find their snail-mail addresses but I do have them and will post them in another article about bullying and reporting online abusers.
- If the bully is using an anonymous email mailer, there are ways to find this person’s real name so that when you report them to the proper authorities, even these online bullies will be found. Write your reports immediately with as much information as you have about the incidents. Write the reports even if you do not know where to send the reports. Write them in word, or in text. You will know where to send the reports soon, so have the reports ready to go.
- Report threats (when someone threatens to harm you, kill you or do any harm to you or your family, you can report these incidents to the police or to local security agencies (i.e. If the person is threatening you on a campus, inside a school or work building, there are usually security guards present; find these workers and report the incident). If this is a serious incident, report to security and also report the incident to the police in your town,city or state. At the end of this article there are some websites that might help you.
Everyone knows whom the bully is, correct? You see the person typing, calling someone names, putting someone down, threatening someone. And everyone knows who that person is. But what about the secret bullies? Who is the secret bully? The secret bully is the one that no one is looking at. The secret bully is one who is standing by the bully. You know, the little ones standing behind the big guy when the big guy is about to punch the little guy. The secret bully is the one that praises and looks up to the abuser who is name-calling, putting people down, threatening people. Those are the secret bullies. They are part of the action. So if you have secret bullies in your network, ignore them too. You can ignore them politely. (Sounds contradictory? Yes!). But you can ignore them politely. You can say hello, goodbye and leave it at that. You do not need to chit-chat with them, or give them personal information about you. And above all, do not talk about the bully with the secret bully. That is taking away your own power of ignore. We have all seen the secret bullies. They think they are safe from the power of ignore because they do not come up against you. (They know that is the bully’s job). But they support the bully. They support him, even knowing that he is bullying someone. They neutrally support him by not taking a stand against bullying. That is their choice. And you have your choice. When it comes to the secret bully, do not give them any personal information about you or about any other person. For them, it is hello, goodbye and what nice weather we are having. Stop any and all other connections with secret bullies. This will make your power of ignor grow and become stronger. Why? The reason why is because bullies thrive and gloat with any and all of the person information the have about you. And secret bullies can obtain information about you, and pass it on to the bullies.
Know that you are not alone. There are thousands of people who are presently being bullied. Know that if you are being bullied that does not have any reflection on your character or standing in the community but it has a negative reflection on the bully. Bullies are insecure and cowardly by nature. If they were not that, they would not be spending their lives bullying other people. So know that you are special, and you are a wonderful person. Do not let the bully get to you, and keep reading here to find out how to properly deal with bullies online and in real life.
Know that if you are secretly or publicly supporting or backing a bully up, that your turn will come. When the bully’s victim becomes stronger and the bully loses his regular victims, you will be next in line to be bullied. Bully supporters feel safe around bullies but what the do not stop to think about is that they are closest to the bully, therefore they are the closest to being the next victims. So next time you see bullies in action, it would be best for you and everyone around you if you did not support the bully.
TAKE IT SERIOUSLY: Many times people see internet bullying as minor or as not important. One of the most well-known security and safety experts puts it in a way that anyone can understand it. This is why you need to take internet bulling seriously, Gavin DeBecker clearly states that we should not accept any behavior online that we would not accept in real life, in our homes, workplaces, schools or social events places. If you would not stand for bullying in real life (and you should not stand for that), then do not put up with online bullying, verbal abuse or threats either.
HELP FOR YOU:
In England, contact yahoo by regular mail:
Yahoo! UK ltd, 125 Shaftsbury Avenue, London, WC2H 8 AD , England We will print other article with more information about combating bullying and with snail mail addresses of other internet service providers. (The snail mail for Yahoo USA is in California; watch our other articles for more information like that).
Updated: April 25, 2008.